The Definitive Guide to Wedding Gift Etiquette - Cashmere, Wool and Silk directory

There are plenty of gifts which are involved in a wedding. There are presents for the bride and groom, shower gifts, presents from the bride and groom, and even favors for the guests. All of this back and forth of gifts can pose some questions about what is �proper� behavior for both donors and recipients. Wonder no more! This definitive guide to wedding gift etiquette will clear up all the debate once and for all.

The majority of the wedding related gifts will be flowing to the bride and groom, so let's begin with those. First of all, no one is technically required to give a present to the happy couple, not even if they are attending the wedding. Surprised? Don't be; if you think about it, if each guest was obligated to offer something of value to the bride and groom, it would essentially be like charging them an admission fee to the wedding. I did say, technically, however and although no one is obligated to give a wedding gift, it is customary to do so if you are close enough to the couple to attend their wedding. Guests who do not plan to join in for the festivities can simply send a note wishing the couple all the best, although of course they may send something more substantial if they choose.

The next important point of etiquette is that the bride and groom may not tell anyone what type of gift to give them, and they must fake joy upon receiving even the most heinous present. It is perfectly fine to create a bridal registry so that guests who want some guidance will have a resource. That said, no one is ever obligated to shop from the couples' wish list, and it is truly a rude bride who would turn her nose up at �unapproved� gifts. The bridal registry information may appear on the wedding website and can be offered in response to a direct question, but should never, ever be included in the wedding invitation!

When a wedding guest is shopping for a gift, certain rules of etiquette and common sense apply to them as well. For one thing, while they need not shop off the bridal registry, they should give some thought to what items would please the newlyweds, and what they might find useful. A complete set of pots and pans, for instance, would delight the budding chef, but might actually be insulting to your niece the take-out queen (be wary of any wedding present which might seem to carry a secret message, as in: isn't it high time you learned to cook, missy?). Wedding gifts should be elegant, but there is no obligation to spend beyond your means. One thing that many people do not realize is that presents should be sent directly to the bride's home, never carried to the wedding. This prevents issues of lost cards, damaged gifts, or Heaven forbid, theft from the reception site (sad to say, it happens).

Now for the gifts which the bride and groom give. Chief among these will be presents for their attendants. Under no circumstances, no matter how tight the wedding budget, is is acceptable to neglect giving thank you gifts to bridesmaids and groomsmen. Choose what you can afford, and make it something special. Customary bridesmaid gifts include jewelry and engraved silver items. If choosing bridesmaid jewelry gifts, try to match the pieces to the taste of the recipients, even if it means selecting a different item for each woman within the same price range.

Last, but never least, is showing proper gratitude. Any gift received deserves a prompt handwritten note, period. There is an incorrect notion floating around that since guests theoretically have up to a year to send a wedding gift (why wait so long?), that there is the same leeway for thank you notes, which is absolutely untrue. All notes should be mailed within a month, maximum, and two to three weeks ideally, and they must be written by hand. Thank you notes may be brief, but they should be personalized for the gift and donor, and they should always be gracious, even if the present was not pleasing. Showing the proper appreciation for wedding presents is a fantastic way to make a great impression on your friends, family, and especially your new family-in-law. -- iS